Gone
by RinxFallenAngel
Summary: Kiseop saw something that made his world shatter. and now he is giving up. will Kevin loose him forever? or can he fight to make him stay? a Vinseop. Warnings: Adult content, suicide, smut, abuse. foul language.
1. Why Did I Turn On This Love Song

I should have known. All of that time he had spent with him. I should have known it was something more than friendship. But I wanted to stay deluded in my illusionary world where he remained innocent, where he remained close to me. But that world was shattered that night, the night where I found them. I had followed the trail, the breadcrumbs if you will; I followed the signs that led me eventually to the kitchen of the dorm. It was when I pushed that door open that the world shattered around me. There he was. My Kevin, pressed up to the wall, Kibum's tongue down his throat. It was on that spot, that moment, that night, when my heart had died. It stopped beating; it bled the anguished sorrow through my system, this poisonous sadness tainting me to the core. It resonated and burned, this pain to real to heal.

So here I sit today, atop this bench gaze wondering around the serene scenery, though the majesty of this place was lost on my darkened mind. My eyes continue to bleed the sadness that had been welling up over these past few days. It finally grew too much to bear, everyday faced with his smile, knowing that he was truly happy with Kibum, and I Lee Kiseop would never hold a place within his heart. I was unnecessary.

A shattering breath shook out of my throat as I choke on my tears, I can only wish that they would drown me eventually, at least that way I would be put out of my misery, I would never be forced to see his happiness in the arms of the other.

This bench in the middle of the park, it is situated so close to the edge of the 100 foot cliff. It would be so simple for me to walk those few minuet steps over the edge. It would take so little for me to make this pain go away forever. It's all I want this point, I can't face another day of 'skin ship' if that is what they want to call it. But I know better. I know every touch, and every smile would lead to more later in the evening. I know that it will only get worse as times grows, I know that I can longer handle this, handle the pain of my everyday life. But am I really ready to throw everything away to make everything disappear over that edge?

I push myself away from the bench and take those steps, the ones that situate me at the edge. I look down at the swirling waves, down to a tomb that could burry me forever. Would anyone really care if I take this jump? Probably not. I am just the background to the group. I would never be missed. I was never important. If I took this leap now, would anyone even see? The people walking through this park, they would be blind to my disappearance. I know that no one would notice. Just as no one had noticed the boy sitting on the bench broken.

My feet test the waters shuffling closer to that edge, small fragments of stone breaking away from the cliff and tumbling to the fate I sought. Buried in the waves forever. My breath is shaking as I stand here, wind whipping at my hair making my clothes fly around me. My eyes locked onto the view below, my heart and head in conflict.

Afew of the crystalline tears roll down my face as I close my eyes, I was ready. I take that step and I'm flying, flying over the edge, flying to the water. Then there is nothing. I'm floating in emptiness, and I'm gone.

(kevin's POV)

I'm pacing, continuously. I swear that I am going to wear a hole in the floor with how many times I am crossing over the same spot. But isn't this what people do when they are nervous, panicking. Just as I am at the moment.

Kiseop was gone. He had left the dorm. I know what he had seen, but it wasn't what he believed. Kibum had been drinking, he believed I was Xander. Kiseop had walked in, I had seen it in his eyes. That pain flashing through the deep brown eyes. It had broken me inside to see his pain. But before I could explain a thing, he was gone. And he hasn't come back.

To say I worried would be an understatement, hysteric is the more appropriate fraze. I had run after him but he was too fare gone, and so here I am, passing before the door just waiting for him to walk through, so I can explain everything to him. Unbreak his bleeding heart. I don't want kiseop to be in pain, especially if I am the root cause. If I had known he liked me I would told him, told him I loved him also. But I hadn't known, until I had seen that look in his eyes. The look was so agonized.

Tears spark in the corner of my eyes as I throw my fist at the wall with a scream, blood leaks down from my hand that was cut along the rough surface. I slide down the wall, falling into a ball at the base. This pain echoing in my heart I can imagine is only a fragment of what he is feeling. I couldn't protect him from the pain, isn't that what you are supposed to do with the person you love? Protect them from pain and cherish them. I hadn't done neither and maybe now it was too late?

My world of pain is pierced by the sound of ringing, that shrill cry screaming of hope as I dash for the phone. Clasping the white plastic in my hand I hold it to ear. Though, this is not what I wanted to hear.

The plastic phone falls to the floor and shatters, I tumble down soon after. The news ringing on repeat through my ears.

My Kiseop is gone.


	2. Losing You

The artificial beep floods the room as I hold the cool hand within my own. My eyes open yet unseeing. How long had I been sitting here? I couldn't recall. All I remember was running. Running from the house. Down the street. Past the people who swore and shoved me as I ran. Through the sliding doors and up the stairs until I reached the door, the door that held the man I loved. The man I was unable to tell my feelings. And now here I was, holding his hand like a lifeline, the artificial beep of the heart monitor the only source of comfort that the boy before me was actually still with me. But how long would that last? They said he was in a coma. That they weren't sure if he would ever wake up. But I need him to; I need to tell him, to fix the heart that I never meant to break. I need him.

The tears were running down my face, they never did truly stop did they? I think that they are the only things that are making Eli believe I am alive right now. He is standing in the corner pale and looking frightened. Of what I don't know. Is it because he is he just as scared as I am that we will loose Kiseop forever? Or perhaps he thinks I will follow soon. All I can say to that is, if I loose Kiseop, I don't think I will move on. I will become like a stone statue, there to be ogled and stared at, but never present. Something void of emotion so strong looking yet so fragile.

My lips trembled as I grip his hand tighter in my own, almost as though I am trying to shove my life force across to the boy on the bed, his red locks sitting covering his closed eyes. And before I know what is going on, I bent over his bed, my screams and tears being swallowed by his abdomen. The pain I harbor is being poured out of me and into the unresponsive body.

"Why? why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? Don't you get it? I love you, you idiot" I scream into the chest of the one I love, I don't know I guess that I am just praying it will get through him to somehow. Get through to him and wake him up from his slumber. I don't think it is working though, for all I can hear apart from my own screaming is the even beep in the room. The blanket under my face is damp with my tears and I am sure if he were awake I would be scolded for making the blanket damp. All of my thoughts are about him, and if he isn't here for them I don't I can go on.

My chest hurts, I'm not sure if that is because of the crying, or the pain from my heart, but either way the pain is unbearable and I don't want to feel it. This anguish, why did this have to happen? Why do I have to loose the one I love? How is this fair? Am I being punished? Punished by God for this sinful emotion. But I no longer care, as long as I can have the boy back, I don't care if am to be sent to the deepest pits of hell, there is no way that love can be a sin. The love I hold for this boy is true and pure, it can't be wrong.

"Why, why Kiseop, why did you have to do this? I-I don't understand. P-please just come back to me. And I promise to never let you get hurt again. Please " my tears and crying are pitiful, but I don't care, I don't care who sees me like this, because I don't care about anything if I don't have Kiseop to care for.

(Eli's POV)

I watched him weep, I watched him break, and I watched the once strong and bright Kevin crumble. He was now shrouded in his sadness and sorrow. There is no one who can save him other than that of Kiseop, of that I am certain. If we loose Kiseop I am sure that it won't be to long after that we will loose Kevin to. He was only holding on by a thread of hope, the hope that Kiseop would survive. Would pull through this and he could make everything alright. But as I stared at the boy on the bed, the bandages around his head coated in his own blood, the blankets stained from where he had shattered his body, I wasn't sure he would make it through. This is why I had slipped out of the room; I couldn't tale the sight anymore.

So here I sit outside the hospital, my head in my hands, the rain falling down onto my shoulders, I'm sure that I look like someone just died, and in a way someone did. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to save Kiseop or Kevin, I wish I had the answer I really do. But I don't. I'm just a boy, what can I possibly do to remedy this situation? There is nothing.

I finally let my tears fall for the pain they are feeling, I refuse to cry in front of Kevin, he needs all the strength he can get right now. So now I will let out everything that I had been holding in, all of the agony at the though of loosing someone like a brother to me, and watching the other one break after him. I can imagine how Kevin feels right now; if I lost A.J I don't know what I would do. No I think I do. I would join him. And I am sure that is exactly what Kevin is thinking right now. He wants to join Kiseop wherever that boy is right now. I can't stand the thought of loosing them both, loosing my brothers to such a cruel fate.

As the rain continues to pelt down onto my shoulders slowly making my shirt dampen I feel hands grip my forearms pulling me into a strong chest. One I would recognize anywhere. I hold A.J. tightly, my tears leaking into his shirt, I greedily accept the comfort he offers. Because of his presence I am sure that the rest of U-KISS now know about what happened. Then again it would be hard not to. I am sure that this incident is being broadcasted all over the news.

"What do we do A.J? Kevin. He. He's breaking." My voice cracks as the sobs choke in my throat my tears mixing with the rain coating me an A.J.

" There is nothing that we can do, other than be there for him right now. And I know that isn't the answer you were looking for, but it is truly all we can do. " I cling tighter to him feeling his muscles tense around me as he starts to pull me back inside and away from the harsh weather, this is when I raise my gaze and see the rest of the guys sitting in the waiting room, all sharing anguished expressions and flinching every single time one of Kevin's screams echoes down the hallway, we are all in the same boat. All at a loss of what to do. How do you bring back the near dead?

(Kevin's POV)

I hold his body tightly as my screams hurt my throat, my voice-growing Corse. This was never supposed to happen, he was never supposed to get hurt like this, we were supposed to be together, and love each other. We were supposed to be happy. Not broken and on the edge of life and death. This war he was fighting I am sure was the hardest he has ever fought. Was he even fighting? He wanted to die didn't he? The heartache he must of felt, the thought alone makes me break more inside, knowing that I am the one that caused this, knowing that I am the one who pushed him to the edge. This is my fault. All my fault.

When you love someone you are supposed to take care of them and protect them, not let them hurt and break. To shatter past the point of saving. You are never supposed to lead them to their death. What kind of love did I show? None. And that is why I am in this situation, letting him slowly slip away. This was my fault and I deserved to trade places with him, he deserved a long and happy life with someone who would actually take care of him. Not let him die.

My tears sink deeper into the blankets my world around me deaf and blind, I am not aware of anything happening. The only thing I feel is the shift under me. Wait shift? People in comas weren't supposed to move. Raising my head I meet those deep brown eyes I had been praying to see again. Only this time instead of pain they hold emptiness and confusion.

"W-who are you?"

And with those three words. My world crumbles.


	3. Forgotten

I looked into those eyes; they held so much confusion and fear. It killed me inside to have to see that. Did he really not remember? I bit back the tears and stood up and smiled at him weakly. I could only pray that this was all some sick joke. But the one thing I was happy for was My Kiseop was awake, he was alive. It was all I could ask for. His heart monitor started to spike and I jumped to action.

"Hey it's ok. My name is Kevin. I'm just going to call the doctor alright?" I watched him nod slowly watching my every move as though I were some rapist. I bit my lip and walked out into the hall before booking it down and skidding to a stop in front of the nurses' station.

"He's awake" I nearly shouting, my heart was thundering in my chest and I didn't take note of the people in the waiting room behind me before I was pulled into a tight hug. I stiffened and turned looking up at the face of the person holding me in a vice grip. It was Kibum.

"Kevin, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I'm sorry" he looked like he was about to break, all I could do was hold him just as tight as he was holding me. I stroked his back gently to sooth the older man.

"No Hyung it's ok. This isn't your fault. He is fine anyway, he is awake"

"What he is awake?"

I looked over Kibum's shoulder at Eli who was nestled in A.J.'s hold. He seemed tense and paler than before. I could only imagine this had been a lot for him to deal with. Heck it had to have been a lot for everyone to deal with. I nodded to him and saw the relief rush through him, his muscles unfurling and he leaned weakly back into A.J. his strength gone, taken by the worry had been feeling that was now gone.

At the sound of the door closing I turned out of Kibum's arms and to the doctors that had returned. They all held solemn faces and I prepared myself for the worst. Had he crashed? Had he fallen back under? Or worse, was he gone? I unintentionally started chewing on my bottom lip, a nervous habit I had in fact picked up from Kiseop.

"Kevin may we please speak with you"

"Of course" I followed behind the men clothed in white and could hear my heart trying to jump out of my chest from the nerves, I was sure that my lip would be bloody soon with how hard I was chewing on it, I began to wring my hands nerves tensing my muscle. Could I take more bad news today? Probably not if everyone wanted me to keep my sanity. I knew that the others could see me through the door but none could hear a thing the doctor's voices were hushed.

As their words swirled around my head I felt my legs give out and I collapsed to the ground, a new wave of tears rolling down my face, my head lolled forward weakly as my body remained limp, rendered to my knees.

How could this happen?

(Kibum's POV)

I rushed forward when I saw Kevin collapse. Pulling his limp body into my arms I began to rock him in a soothing motion stroking his hair tenderly. What more could they have said that had reduced him to this? Could the world be this cruel to two innocent boys that had them both breaking like this. I looked up at the doctor who just shook his head sadly and returned to the room that was housing Kiseop.

I felt the presences of the rest of the group appearing around us, out of the corner of my eye I saw Eli lower to his knees beside Kevin, his hand stroking up and down his back to soothe the distraught boy. On the other side Dongho was gripping his shoulder to try and give him strength, I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder and knew it was Xander. I knew he would be here for me at this time, but who needed the person they loved the most was Kevin, and he was the one being deprived of this.

I gripped his head and turned him to look in my direction, but what I saw sent chills down my spine. His eyes were dead, his expression vacant. Tears continued to roll down his face but it appeared as though he had died inside, like he had lost everything, with that look I could only presume the worst. I gingerly handed him to Eli who held him in a tight grip, the empty doll that we had known as Kevin.

I leapt to my feet and ran to the room that held Kiseop expecting to see the white sheet pulled up over his face, though that is not what I found. Sitting upright on the bed was a confused looking Kiseop. Upon my entry he looked in my direction then he smiled large and happy.

"Hey Kibum" he seemed happy, and content albeit a little confused. I frowned at the sight, what had caused the reaction in Kevin then? What could have made him collapse? Make him virtually die inside.

"Hey Kiseop, everything ok?" I questioned as I went and took a seat beside his bed. He seemed perfectly content as he grinned at me. I watched him to see a slight hindrance in the happiness but there was none. Surely at the sight of me the one who had caused this mess he would waver. But there was only contentment on his features.

"Yeah everything is fine, though I don't remember why I am in the hospital" he seemed to pout in confusion and I tensed. He didn't remember why he was here? He had forgotten? But that alone couldn't put Kevin in the state he was could it?

(Eli's POV)

I held Kevin tight in my arms, the limp and broken boy didn't respond, even as he was shifted from Kibum's embrace. I frowned what could have happened to the poor boy now. I didn't want to let my mind wonder to the worst; I didn't want to believe that Kiseop was gone. But that was the only plausible result I could come up with that would render Kevin such. I held him at arms length and looked into those dead eyes that continued to pump out tears.

"Kevin, tell me what happened ok?" I could delicately to the boy, I knew he had to be handle tenderly at the moment, something could shatter him at any moment and I knew that. And I began to regret asking that question when a flash of remembrance jolted through his eyes and more tears fell along with a choked sob.

I pulled him to my chest as he let out those agonized screams that I never wanted to hear from his lips again. Holding him tight I stroked his hair and began to believe that worst. That Kiseop was gone. But what Kevin said next froze my world.

"He forgot me. Only me. I'm nothing to him. He doesn't remember."


	4. Ignite The Fire In My Eyes

" So what did you and Kevin talk about before?" I questioned Kiseop, curiosity gnawing at my insides; I wanted to find what could have occurred that had left Kevin as a mess now lying in Eli's arms. I saw him frown in concentration before recognition flooded his eyes and he smiled at me happily, looking accomplished.

"Kevin that guy from before right? How do you know him Kibum?" my heart stuttered to a halt as I stared at him, I am sure my face had paled about fifty shades at the that comment and I am also certain he could read the emotions wisping across my face because a look of confusion laced his features.

"You ok Kibum? Did something happen to that guy?" as he continued on I felt myself growing nauseous, the emotions welling up within me like a sick tidal wave. I placed a tentative hand to my mouth before standing out of my seat the chair falling idly to the ground behind me.

"I'm sorry Kiseop I'll be right back, I'm just going to get something to eat for you ok?"

"Ok?" he replied albeit hesitantly, concern and confusion dancing behind his brown hews. Before he could question anything I was out the door and down the hallway, the world was spinning and I was feeling faint. Kiseop had forgotten Kevin? Not only that, but he had forgotten only Kevin? This wasn't fair. Not on Kevin or Kiseop, this pain and confusion that now bound the two like a cursed red string of fate. Pulling and pulling fighting to get them together but at the same time continuously poisoning them with such sorrow and misery. No one deserved their fates.

I stumbled and leaned against a fall finding myself incapable of holding myself steady anymore, pushing my forehead to the wall I let out the yell of frustration that I had been holding in for who knows how long. Tears began to fall down my face and I couldn't help but blame myself for what happened, if I had just not taken that drink for courage to confess to Xander, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have drunkenly mistaken Kevin for Xander and Kiseop wouldn't have presumed the worse when he had walked in. but unfortunately the world was a cruel place as of late, and all of the above had indeed happened, and there was nothing I could do about it. If I could go back in time and change everything, I know that I would.

I felt strong hands grip around my waist and I lent back into the familiar supporting chest of Xander. The only good thing I think that came out of this whole ordeal was that I now had Xander, we were together, I could finally find out he loved me. But it came at such a high price. The price that made me almost wish that I never knew. If I had let things be, nothing would have turned out as such. But here we are, the world seemingly collapsing around our small group of friends even though the world just kept on turning. But I am sure for Kevin it would seem as though the entire world had stoped. That everything was over. Or at least I am sure he was wishing such.

(Eli's POV)

I held the trembling Kevin within my arms, what he said still resonating deep within my brain, as I remained stiff from shock, then again I think we all were. I glanced around at my companions and saw the stricken faces on all of them. None of us had ever wanted anything like this to happen, then again who would? Who would wish for one of their friends to almost die, and the other so broken from being wiped clean of the others memory, that you were almost certain you would loose him soon. I myself was no longer sure how long Kevin would last like this. How he lay in my arms limply would have made me believe he was already dead if it weren't for the strong steady if not slightly rushed heart beat thudding against my own chest.

"Shh Kevin it's ok, it's not permanent, he will remember" I heard A.J. coo over my shoulder only for Kevin to burst into a new round of sobs at what was spoken.

"They said the damage was so bad that they would be surprised if he ever remembered what was forgotten" I gripped him tighter to my chest before pulling him away and looking him dead in the eyes.

"Kevin he will remember, that boy loved you before the incident and I am sure he still does, you have to remind him of all the things you two hold together. We will all be here beside you every step of the way, you aren't alone, we will help you get Kiseop back I promise" I said sternly, I am sure that I may have been a little rough, but I don't think anything else would have pierced through Kevin's veil of misery at this point.

I gripped his shoulders hard and pulled him to his feet ignoring the protests of the people around me who thought he should rest for a bit. I reached up and brushed the tears away with the pad of my thumb, I was damned if I was going to just sit there and let him wallow in pain. I would fix everything if it killed me, I would help Kevin make everything better or die trying.

"Now let's came down and think about this. Let's think of things that Kiseop couldn't possibly forget, things that you two did together. Things he loved that only he and you did alright?" I said and watched a slight smile tug at the corners of Kevin's lips and felt a familiar smile spread across my lips as well.

" Yeah lets do this, " he said and new slight form of determination resonating within his tone and I was glad that I could do this much for him. I gripped his arm and pulled him down the hallway and to Kiseop's room. I let him stand outside for a minute and mentally prepare himself for what we were about to do.

" It's ok Kevin I will be here for you every single step of the way"

" We all will" I heard behind me and saw A.J, Kibum, Xander, Hoon, Soohyun and Dongho all standing there, the same determination burning in their eyes that was also burning deep within my own, I smiled to them and turned back to Kevin.

"We are all here for you Kev, and we won't let this go until everything has returned to normal, we will all get Kiseop back alright"

He smiled his smile for the first time since finding out the news, the smile that spread over his entire face lighting up his eyes that danced in the light. I felt my heart put at ease from that smile and I knew that he was better, well for the most part. I knew he wouldn't give up. And I couldn't help but grin at what he said next.

"Alright let's go and get Kiseop back."


	5. Fighting

I ventured into the room I had been dreading facing, though I think the only thing that was giving me any form of comfort right now, was the entirety of my friends following closely behind me. I found that having all of them there helped to keep my nerves still. I looked up at Kiseop on the bed as he arrived in the room, he looked in my direction with confusion and I held back the wince as a sharp shoot of pain was thrust through my heart at the expression.

"Hey Kiseop as I said before, I am Kevin and of course you remember U-KISS, well we are here to take you home" I had said cheerily that fake smile shining brightly at him, I could feel the tension behind me, but I chose ignore them and instead focus in on the slight smile now spreading across his face. He nodded his head eagerly and held in a chuckle remembering he doesn't like hospitals. Then again who did?

" Yes! Great can we go now?" I chuckled this time at his excitement and nodded to him and watched that grin spread over his face and I heard one of the boys behind me head off to probably go and sign the paperwork to have Kiseop dispatched.

A strong hand was placed on my shoulder and I glanced back and looked at Eli before smiling softly at him, I knew that of all the people here, either him or Kibum would notice the falsities behind my smile. The one I was currently painting on for Kiseop's benefit. But I was holding true to what I had said before, I would get Kiseop back if it was the last thing I did. I would hold him in my arms and tell him that I loved him; I would be able to finally get My Kiseop back even if it killed me.

I heard the door open and glanced over at A.J. who gave me the nod allowing me to know that all the papers were signed. We all moved aside as a nurse entered the hospital room began to remove the I.V and such from Kiseop, I held back the urge to grip his hand as he winced when the needle had been dislodged from his skin. But I knew if I had grasped his hand, with his present mentality it would have probably done more harm than good.

It was mere moments before we had Kiseop sat comfortably within the confines of his wheelchair and we were heading down the vast halls to where we parked the car. Well those of us who had driven here. I stood and watched from the door way as they loaded Kiseop into the car and everyone else took a seat comfortably. I knew that with the wheelchair also tucked away there would be no room for another person, I reached forward and pushed the door closed with a smile at them before turning on my heel and trudging away in the direction of the dorm through the rain.

The rain was cold as it jarred me down to my bones, my skin was bumpy in little goose pimples and my teeth chattered endlessly. My hair stuck to my face the little droplets dribbling off the edge and hitting my nose incessantly. My breath fogged in front of my face as the warmth condensed in the cool air. I was definitely not dressed for this weather, my thin flimsy cloth of a skivvy glued to my chest from the rain, my ripped jeans letting the cold wind draft up the length of my thin legs, and my converse now drenched so bad that my feet squelched with every single step that I took. I sighed as I continued to walk through the puddles no longer caring enough to avoid them. What would be the point I was already soaked, more water wouldn't make a difference. The cold had laced my bones and I began to wonder if there was a slight chance I would catch hyperthermia. Oh well.

Just as I was about to sit somewhere for a break, I saw off in the distance, the dorm shining like a beacon of a holy savior. I let out a breath and pushed myself onward and up the steps, my heart thudding in anticipation as I drew closer to the warmth that would soon consume my frigid form. However. As I got to the door I noted that when I had been in such a rush to get to the hospital earlier today, I had forgotten to grab my keys, not only that but the entire house appeared to be sleeping, not a form of life radiated from within the apartment. With trembling hands I turned the knob praying that it would by some chance be unlocked. I was not that lucky however, and I myself knew how deeply the rest of the guys slept. I bit my bottom lip and groaned as I slammed a fist onto the door and slid down it. Was my luck really this bad? Was this a sign? When I had finally started fighting against, bad things just kept popping up to knock me down.

With a resolved sigh I slid down the oak of the door and sat trembling atop the doormat. My lips I was sure had turned blue from this cold and my body continued to tremble violently under my damp clothes. Wrapping my arms around my thin and frail form for some attempt of warmth I decided to try and wait it out until someone would either notice I had been gone for awhile, or actually remember that I hadn't arrived home with them. I wasn't holding my breath for either. If they had already fallen asleep, there was good chance that I wouldn't be found until morning. And with the way my motor function over my body had slowed I doubted I would last that long.

But I knew I would continue to fight and hold on as long as I could so I still had a chance to see kiseop smile one more time. Oh that smile, how even the thought of it warmed me up on the inside, he had the perfect smile. It was bright and reached his eyes, it made his little nose scrunch up in the most adorable way. I loved the way his cheeks would crease slightly to show just how happy he was, and how his laugh would roll out like liquid gold. I would give anything to hear it again. So I knew I would hold in, even though it started to snow. I would hold on, even though my thoughts grew incoherent. And I would hold on even now as I found myself falling asleep.

A little nap couldn't be too bad, could it?


	6. Ice

Xander walked the iced over steps to the U-KISS dorms slowly to ensure he didn't fall, they failed however when he tripped over a mound in the snow. Cursing under his breath he turned to see what it was that he had tripped over. There laying in a heap his body buried under a thin layer of melting snow was Kevin. His lips were blue and his skin pale. With a sharp intake of breath Xander rushed to Kevin's side shaking him hoping to wake him.

"Kevin, Kevin, Kevin!" he called futilely shaking the limp boy, his heart was pounding in his ears as he began to panic. Scooping Kevin close to him he began to slam his fist against the door screaming out.

"Guys wake up! Come on! Please! This is important!" he cried hysterically, praying that someone would come and save them from the devil that was the cold.

At the sound of the door creaking open Xander turned his gaze to the half asleep Kiseop poking his head out of the house. Once he saw the too his eyes widened and he rushed forward.

"Quick let's get him inside" Kiseop said as he scooped Kevin up into his arms and carried him inside of the house. " Get some blankets for him" he placed Kevin on the couch before the heater as Xander wrapped a mass of large blankets around him in an attempt to try and warm the freezing boy before them.

Xander was chewing on his bottom lip as he paced back and force before Kevin. His eyes darting back to the pale-faced boy every now and then as he waited for the timer to ding o that they could check his temperature. His heart was jumping with nerves upon every step that he took. He couldn't loose one of his best friends now, no after what had just recently happened with Kiseop. Did this world really hate this boy band so much that they would throw such things at them? At the sound of the buzzer his head shot up and he looked to Kiseop in anticipation. He watched the boy reach forward and pull the thermometer out of Kevin's mouth and read the numbers, his face fell into a grave one and Xander started to presume the worst.

"We have to get him to a hospital" Kiseop breathed out turning to Xander both felt nerves clench their guts at that comment. Xander nodded and rushed to the door only look outside and see a snowstorm that would be impossible to move in.

"If we take him through that not only will he get worse, but we could get hurt too." Xander muttered feeling all hope fall out of him with that single breath he let out.

"We are not giving up on him!" Kiseop said sternly causing Xander to turn to him in shock looking into his determined eyes before nodding and walking back over.

"What do we do then?" he questioned the boy who in response stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the blankets next to Kevin holding him to his chest to pass on body heat.

"We warm him up simple as that" he said still holding the frigid boy to his chest. Kiseop couldn't help but feel a pang I his heart as he held the boy. Like a part of his body knew he was supposed to care for him, to take care of him when he was hurt or sick. It confused in greatly, after all he didn't know this boy. Did he?

As Xander watched from where he stood, he couldn't help but to feel a sense of nostalgia at the scene before him, this reminded him of the time Kevin had grown ill and Kiseop had tended to him night and day, to make sure that Kevin would grow healthy again. And once again, here was Kiseop, tending to the ill Kevin, only this time more was at stake, if they failed. Kevin would die.

A door behind them opened and both boys glanced over as a very tired looking Eli staggered out of his room, probably disturbed by all of the noise, his mouth had opened as though he were going to yell at the two loud boys before he spotted Kevin, his skin still pale, his lips turned a faint purple this time but still limp and unresponsive.

"Oh my god what happened?!" Eli exclaimed rushing over to Kevin's side and beginning to scan over the boy. His warm hands touching the flesh of Kevin's face making Eli recoil in shock at how cold the skin really was. Kevin had felt as cold as ice, literally.

" I don't know I just found him outside the door this morning, leaning against it buried under the snow" Xander replied glancing at Eli only to watch the man cringe in what he could only presume was guilt, and he could imagine what had happened. He had seen that after him and Kibum had left the hospital Kevin had opted to walk home. Xander was against it but before he had a chance to go after the cold looking boy, they were cut off by another driver and by the time the way was clear again, Kevin had been gone, heading in the direction of home, the place he was reach yet never enter, he would succumb to the cold.

" We must have been asleep when he arrived home, I thought he was going home with you and Kibum, I had never guess he had chosen to walk" Eli felt the guilt rise in him as he realized it was partially his fault for Kevin's present condition, he rest his head on the couch beside the two boys, guilt washing over him.

When Kiseop had heard Xander and Eli mention Kevin going to be in the same house as Kibum, he couldn't understand why but a great pain had stabbed through his heart and his grip on Kevin had grown stronger, to the point where the boy was pressed so firmly to Kiseop's chest, that he couldn't move even if he wanted to.

" So what do we do to help him? I'll do anything." Xander looked to Eli as those words were spoken and sighed looking down.

"Kiseop is doing all he can now, we just have to sit back and wait for Kevin to defrost, so to speak" he looked and saw Eli glare at his bad timing for a joke and he looked down. He knew now probably had not been the best time, but he wanted to rise the tension in the air and make everyone smile at least a little. Needless to say it hadn't worked.

And now the three boys were locked in the house waiting and hoping, praying for Kevin to return to them. And all they could do was wait. Wait out the storm. And wait out Kevin's fate.


	7. SOS

The heaters within the apartment building were straining against the cold, working hard to fight off the chill. And the members of U-KISS had theirs up the highest. They didn't care if the rest of them were hot; they just wanted to revive the still unresponsive Kevin atop the couch. Kiseop had been holding Kevin to him for around three hours now, and he didn't care if Kevin's cold skin was freezing him, he would fight to revive Kevin, he didn't know where these emotions were coming from but he felt oddly protective over Kevin. He felt like he had to take care of him, that somewhere inside of him his mind registered the need to take care and be close to him.

"Let's take his temperature again," Eli muttered standing with the thermometer and heading towards the couch and the two boys, only stopped by the slender hand of A.J. clasping his wrist.

"Eli, I don't think it's changed in the time span of three minutes" he said softly, he was as worried as everyone else and he hated seeing Eli so stressed. But his words caused Eli to spin on him hostilely, his glare hitting A.J's core, he had never seen Eli this way to him before.

"And how would you know A.J huh? I don't think you're a doctor are you? Unless you're hiding a degree from me. It could have changed, every moment in crucial. We shouldn't just give up!" he shouted at A.J. towering over the smaller male who shrank further into the couch where he was sitting, eyes wide, this was the first time in his life he had been scared of Eli, as he was now.

"I never said that Eli, none of us are giving up, but his temperature can't spike in the time span of three minutes. It's not physically possible, and if it did then that means he has a dangerous fever and he could die." A.J replied his voice remaining calm even though his insides were churning under the glare Eli was giving him.

Xander unable to take the tension anymore took the thermometer from the angered Eli placed it in Kevin's mouth and after a minute; ignoring the silence behind him he looked at the thermometer.

"Well done A.J. it hasn't changed you were right. And there Eli we checked, now sit down shut up, stop picking fights with your boyfriend, because I am seeing the signs of cabin fever in here." He said, his stress coming out with his clipped tone.

He had seen the signs of cabin fever within Eli's ignited eyes. Cabin fever was a dangerous psychosis that would take over a group of people when locked into a confined space together for a long amount of time. Tempers would get out of control and someone would end up getting hurt. He wanted to avoid this if at all possible. They acted as though they were the only ones who should be worried. Xander was worried because he knew Kibum was all alone in a house in this storm.

At the outburst from the usually happy Xander everyone returned to their seats and remained silent. The atmosphere was tense and no one spoke, none willing to break it. So to try and remove from the silence Soohyun turned on the television to check on the news. Their eyes all turned when they looked to a report on the snow storm that they were currently sitting in.

"This is the worst snow storm Korea has seen in 50 years. There is a high chance that people will be stranded within their homes for up to two weeks. Officials are doing what they can to clear roads, and doors. To try and make sure that citizens will be safe. But for those of you out there, who are stuck, make sure you have food and blankets, the chance for a power cut in this weather is high. So we advise to take care of your loved ones and preserve resources, go now and full everything with water. You need to be prepared for the worst."

All of them sat there eyes wide and fearful. Surely this couldn't be happening? All of this unwanted bad luck, why was it directed at them? Soohyun the fastest to gain his senses stood from the couch and looked around at all of the boys around him.

"Well come on, you heard the woman on the T.V let's go and check we have everything we could need. Eli and A.J go and check our food sources; Xander and Dongho check the water. Kiseop and me will stay here and keep an eye on Kevin. Oh and Xander, while the power is still working, call Kibum and make sure everything is ok. I'm sure he is just as worried about you, as you are about him" he looked Xander directly in the eye who only nodded in mild relief and darted over to the phone calling to make sure Kibum was ok.

"What do we do if the power goes out? How do we keep Kevin warm?" everyone turned to Kiseop who still held Kevin tight to him. No one had an answer for him, for there was no answer, all they could do was wrap him up tight and hope for the best.

"Let's not worry about that now, we have a lot to prepare for, so let's go and look for what we need" A.J said and dragged Eli off in the direction of the kitchen, they opened the cupboards and scanned everything over before frowning. Why was the dorm so poorly stoked? They had next to nothing, let alone something to last for two weeks.

"How do we get more food? We don't have enough for everyone here." A.J noted turning to Eli whose gaze was cast outside. There had been a minor break in the weather and A.J recognized that glint in his eyes. Shaking his head he grip Eli's arm trying to hold the boy back as he began his march to the door wallet in hand.

"No Eli are you insane? You can't go out there!" he exclaimed trying to fight the stronger boy to get him to stay. Eli however turned to A.J gripping his face between his hands and kissed him deeply.

"I'll be right back ok" and with that. Eli was gone.


	8. Tick Tock

A.J's footfalls echoed through the entirety of the silent room. Five minutes after Eli had left, the storm had picked up its force again, it had now been half an hour and he hadn't returned. The entire group sat on the couches silently, all thinking the same thing. He hadn't made it. A.J how ever refused to believe it; he paced in front of the door waiting for Eli to come back. His throat was tight and his eyes watered as he was reaching his last string of hope. He couldn't loose Eli, not now. Not like this.

He let out a frustrated growl and reached over and grabbed his over coat from the coat rack and began hastily tugging it onto his thin body. He had made up his mind. He was going to find Eli or die trying. Strong arms gripped him around the waist as he struggled against their hold. He caught the familiar scent of Xander. He kicked and struggled against the elder boy desperately.

"Let me go I have to find him!" he cried out struggling more his moves desperate, he needed to find Eli and he didn't want to let Xander stop him.

"No. A.J think about it, Eli wouldn't want to you do this. He is a strong guy he will make it back, just keep holding on A.J he will come back. And we will all be here to welcome him home when he does." Xander's mouth was close to A.J's ear as he cooed to the distraught boy. A.J felt that last shred of hope snap and his knees grew weak as he fell into Xander's hold tears running down his face. He had never been so weak before, but when it came to Eli, the man he loved. He was not ashamed to show this side of him.

Carrying the broken boy to the couch Xander sat down in the middle holding A.J on his lap pressing the boy to his chest in a protective hug as the rest of the members swarmed around and held him in a warm embrace. All caring for each other in this harsh time.

3 hours had past and there had been no movement outside to indicate any sign of life. A.J had since cried himself to sleep in Xander's arms as Xander continued to trail his hand up and down the boys back to sooth him. He could understand the pain that A.J was going through. When he had spoken to Kibum on the phone Kibum had been dead set on walking to the dorm. Before Xander had had the chance to argue his point the line went dead. It was 3 hours since Eli and Kibum had left the security of their homes.

The clock on the wall seemed to be mocking the members; it's taunting tick ringing out through the silent room. The ringing of the bell is the only thing that let them know how much time had passed. They all sat breaths drawn in as they heard the bell , two, three, four, five, six times. Seven hours had passed. All hope had been drowned within everyone. A.J had turned into an animated corpse, his eyes open but unseeing, he sat limply in the armchair, his breath ragged and the only sign left of life left within the boy.

Soohyun as a distraction of the occurrences was spending all of his time playing nurse for the still unresponsive Kevin. They refused to admit it, but they knew that with his body so cold for so long and unresponsive. It wasn't good. But they blinded themselves with false truths, he was waking up, or he was a lot warmer now, or one would claim they saw him move. All was false, but they need some false hope in this time.

Xander rest his head on the back of the couch, his body arching back in an uncomfortable position. But he couldn't bring himself to care, his mind was just racing wondering about the where a bouts of Kibum. Had he succumb to the snow? Or was he sitting at home, and it had merely been a power cut that had fooled the older boy. Oh how he wished it were the later option.

Twelve tolls of the bell let the group know it was now midnight. Thirteen hours had passed. No hope resided in the room, not for the people out in the storm, and not for the frozen boy atop of the couch. Kiseop still held on though, he held the boy tight willing his body heat over to the cold boy. The cold that had infested in him from the other boy was starting to make his teeth chatter. He didn't know how much longer he could hold out, but something was spurring him on. Something was telling him to go on for the boy, that he had to do something when no one else would.

The creak of the front door awoke the pale and seemingly lifeless A.J. his gaze drifted to the door where a silhouette resided. His eyes widened and he slowly got to his feet, his heart leapt as a second figure appeared. Both were carrying large bags filled with stuff. But as the first walked under the light revealing his face A.J's breathe caught in his throat. Tears welled in his eyes and he ran forward throwing himself at the boy who held him to his chest. A.J cried into the chest of the man he had loved and thought he had lost. The others hand coming up to pet his head in a soothing manner.

Because of the commotion the rest of the group awoke, Xander wearily rubbed his eyes before he too noted the second figure. Said person closed the door shielding the group from the cool outside wind. Turning around his face moving into the light, Xander found himself also throwing himself off of the couch and into the arms of the man he loved.

Those strong arms held him around his waist as his face was buried in the nape of his neck. His breathing ragged as his tears also fell, his tears of joy rejoicing the return of the one he loved.

Eli pulled away from the hug and held A.J tenderly around the waist before reaching into one of the bags and pulled out a bottle of something before tossing it to Kiseop who just barely caught it and turned it over to look at the label. His eyes widened and turned his gaze to Eli who just smirked at him in triumph.

Could this really be that?


	9. Revive Me

Kiseop rotated the bottle in his hands; the small white bottle seemed to glow as heavens light to him. It couldn't possibly be that could it? When he saw the look Eli was returning to him, he knew it was. But he still struggled to believe so. It was so rare and expensive. How could Eli have come across some? He blinked and gripped it within his hand and sat up slightly facing the boy who had just braved the cold.

"H-How did you get this?" he questioned, for all he knew it was virtually impossible unless you had a never-ending wallet full of money.

"Well let's just say the storm knocking out the security cameras was quite a handy thing. It took awhile though and then we had to go the long way to go around a large mound of snow that had covered our paths. We hadn't realised how long the other way was when not in a car. Sorry for being late" he muttered the last part into the hair of the boy still in his arms, clinging on for dear life. All A.J knew was he was never letting go of Eli again. It had been too close of a call for him to deal with. He wasn't going to face that pain and fear ever again.

Kiseop blinked then returned his gaze to the bottle in his hand. One of the rarest medicines specifically for reviving those struck with hyperthermia. He could only pray it wasn't too late.

"Soohyun could you please get me a spoon" He called out and watched the other boy depart only to arrive back a few minutes later with said utensil. Kiseop gripped it in his hand and poured some of the liquid onto his wrinkling up his nose at the smell. He nudged open Kevin's lips and dripped the liquid into his mouth. There was no response. He wouldn't swallow and it would just leak out of the corners of his mouth.

After trying it a few times Kiseop growled and threw the spoon across the room he took the medicine in his mouth and gripped the sides of Kevin's face. Pushing his lips to Kevin's to lock in the medicine; he began to push the medicine into Kevin's mouth, raising his other hand he massaged the boys throat making him create swallowing motions, the medicine slowly began to enter Kevin's System and Kiseop pulled his lips away from Kevin's with a little pop. He turned and glanced at the now silent room and the boys who all had their eyes on him. He blushed and glared at them.

"What? It was the only way to make him drink it!" he exclaimed at them only receiving a few snickers in reply as the other boys hid their grinning faces behind their hands. Kiseop just glared at them and turned his attention back to Kevin. He knew the medicine wasn't instant so he shouldn't expect a reaction so soon, but he still hoped. He wasn't going to let this boy die when he knew there was something about him that he couldn't remember. And he wanted to. He wanted to remember Kevin, because there were so many emotions that seemed to be tying him to the boy.

He jumped in mild fright as the boy dragged in a ragged breath beside him; he bolted up right and placed his hand on his cheek looking down at the boy. When his skin touched the boys he felt the warmth returning and the cold slowly dissipating from his body. His eyes softened and he smiled as he saw that the medicine was working. He absent mindly began to stroke the other boys hair as he stared down at his face looking for any signs of consciousness.

A.J sat atop of Eli's lap and he smiled as he watched the display of affection from Kiseop to Kevin. He lent back into Eli and nuzzled into the nap of his neck. He felt the boy wrap his arms tighter around him holding him flush to his chest. He looked up and met Eli's eyes.

"Do you think he will remember him Eli?" he asked the question everyone wanted the answer for and they were all praying it would be a yes. And as Eli glanced over to the two boys on the couch, Kiseop still holding Kevin in his arms his hand stroking through the ill boy's hair, he couldn't help but smile as he turned to answer A.J.

"I think he is already starting to remember. Well the emotions at least, but we just have to be patient. I am sure Kiseop will remember eventually." Eli kissed the top of A.J's head and smiled still holding the boy to his chest. He held he because he loved him but he was also mooching off of his body heat. It had been cold out in the snowstorm, and there had been many times where him and Kibum thought that they wouldn't make it back alive. But they would both remember their other halves and continue the fight. They both knew that through snow. Hale or the end of the world, they would always find their way back home into their lover's arms.

Kiseop looked down at Kevin, he continued to analyse the boy's features, there was something oh so familiar about them yet also very foreign. He couldn't help but feel that he knew him, but there was know way to tell considering the doctor told him that he had been suffering selective amnesia. Meaning his brain was locking out the painful memories. He wanted to remember Kevin, he truly did, but if those memories came with pain, he wasn't so sure anymore. He bit his bottom lip and rest his head down onto Kevin's shoulder his mind racing with so many thoughts that it brought pain to him. He was torn up inside. But the one thing he was certain on was that he couldn't loose Kevin. Not now. Not without knowing him.

As the tears ran down his face from his confusion, he hadn't registered the silence swirl around the room. The entire room in shock at the occurrences. The only thing that woke him up from his state and halted the tears was the shock he felt.

The shock of a hand resting on the back of his head. From the boy below him.


End file.
